10 years... 5 years... 2 years... Today

I realize how long it has been since I made an attempt at a blog... combination of laziness and confusion as I've changed email addresses... but alas, we're back.

It's after midnight so, officially he turns 2 today.  I tend to do these in a list type of format, so I won't veer off too far today...

10 years ago

Ten years ago, I was on the verge of leading a very shady, lonely, unproductive life. Drinking far too much, gambling for a living, wasting away.  Wish I could say more about that, but that does sum it up.

5 years ago

Five years ago, I was one year into THE relationship that would change my life forever.  I had straightened up a bit.  I had found a woman, probably the only woman, who not only tolerates me, but unconditionally loves me.  I was on a good path.

2 years ago

Two years ago, I was in Baptist Hospital in Nashville.  I was watching a combination of one of the most FANTAWESOME things I'd seen, as well as one of the scariest things I'd seen.  Reference back to "Happy Father's Day Indeed" for a better explanation.

Today

Today, I celebrate my son's second birthday.  Drunk, to saved, to father.  Charmed doesn't work.  Nothing but blessed.

Thank you for your time and God bless...

Everything else I need to know, I learned my first year of fatherhood...

Jeana went out tonight with one of her friends and left me here for a guys night in. So, as I sat here holding Will and watching "The Lion King" for the second time in a week, I couldn't help but think of some of the ways I've changed and how he's partly responsible for those.  You see, he's turning 1 in 4 days and I'm having my 2nd Father's Day (he was born on my first) in 2 days.  So here are 'The rest of the things I need to know... that I learned in my first year of father hood...

• Babies really are some kind of durable.  I mean, he cries up a storm if we take something away from him or put him in timeout.  He laughs when he falls and cracks his skull.  Amazing. 
• Farts and poop are still funny at 33 years old.  I don't care what you say.
• It's okay that I'm still amazed by simple things.  Apparently I've been that way my whole life.
• I haven't seen everything, but of what I have seen... nothing compares to the beauty of the love of your life holding the love of your life.
• There is absolutely nothing my child could ever do or become that could make me not love him with all that I am. 
• The art manipulation is learned at a ridiculously early age.
• Nothing compares to a child smiling simply because I am in the room.
• Life can actually start all over in your 30's.
• Football just might not, and I'm still working this out in my heart of hearts, be as important as I once thought.
• I'm grateful for truly unconditional love.
• When you have a cute baby with you, it matters not what you're wearing. It will go unnoticed.
• It's not just something they say.  God really is good.
• It's ok to be in love with two people at the same time.
• Good things happen to stupid men.
• It's true.  Men do lose testosterone once they've become a father.  I'm good with that. I cry and enjoy it sometimes.  What of it?
• Milk.  It does a body good.
• It doesn't matter how old or fat I may be.  When the "not moving or breathing" monitor alarm goes off, I can go from a dead sleep to his crib side in less time than it takes most people to fart.  See, farts are still funny. :-)
• Phineus and Ferb.  Watch it. 
• Mickey Mouse looks absolutely nothing like a mouse.
• Apparently, rocks are tasty.
• Sometimes, heroes can't even talk.

He's learning though.  Just last night, 3 days before Father's Day, he called me Daddy for the first time.  That kind of thing can erase a lot of pain.  Not gonna get into it, but suffice to say, it can.  Back to tonight.  I hadn't seen "The Lion King" in 15 plus years when we watched it the other night.  Great movie.  One of Walt's better ones.  Funny thing happened both the other night and earlier tonight.  He danced, both times, at Simba's first solo, "I just can't wait to be king"... I guess he just can't wait to be king... Shhh... apparently he doesn't know he already is.

Decades of love that give me hope...

And we're back... a lot of stuff going on since I last posted... Will's gonna be 1 in 2 weeks, wow!  I'll post about that soon.  Tonight I want to try and express a little appreciation to my folks.  On June 5, 1966, Larry and Phyllis Hodge started a journey that reaches it's 46th year today.  Let me say that again.  Forty six years.  In a day and time where about half of all marriages take the "easy" way out, I'm proud to say my parents have done a bit more than stick it out.  Not too many people I know have that sort of example.  I do know some, just not a lot.  I'm only the husband and father I am because of the example my father set.  I try to be as caring and loyal as possible thanks to the greatest teacher I've ever had, my mother.  I'm overly blessed to have had the best situation, for me, that I could have had growing up.  Not the richest or prettiest.  The best.  In closing, just a side note... The Jeana and I will celebrate our 3rd anniversary tomorrow.  Her parents will celebrate their 30th on Will's birthday.  (busy month when you add in father's day and The Jeana's and my father's birthday)  All said, we've got two very good examples to lean on when we need to.  Mom and Dad, thank you for everything.  Those words will never be enough, but those plus some meager attempts at showing you are all I have.  Here's to many, many more.  I love you both.

Joe Paterno...

So... I've been reading all day about how great a "man" Joe Paterno was.  Well, I disagree.  Joe Paterno was a GREAT college football coach.  However, I feel, he was the worst kind of man.  No matter what I accomplish in life, if I get accused of not doing enough to stop young boys from getting hurt, I won't be forgiven.  For whatever reason, Joe Pa is getting a "I'm famous for being famous" pass. 

Yes, I said it.  With his name, in the town he resides and works, the most corrupt of cops would have listened to him.  Why he didn't take it further than his school president, we'll never know.  He made a conscious choice, at some point, to support his friend and his employer over trying to help some very hurt and scarred young boys.  Understand that it was not a lapse in judgement or a misunderstanding.  It was a conscious choice.  He chose career over the livelihood of young boys.  My reason for ranting on this is simple.  I LOVE football and everything about it.  However, NO accomplishment on the football field or as a coach can forgive the actions of a coward that chose career over children.  That, alone, means he is NOT a "great man".  He, in fact, is a coward and a worthless... in my eyes.  NOTHING trumps the safety of our children, our future.  NOTHING.

You may or may not like this post as much as my others.  My purpose is not always to entertain.  I just see this this way.

Til next time... Peace

Ben

Lucky #7...

I posted on fb earlier today how seven months ago today, every day got better.  It has.  I can't explain how.  Moms and Dads, you know what I'm saying.  I go to bed thinking about Will.  I wake up thinking about Will.  I spend a great part of my day looking at, and showing off, pictures of Will on my phone.  You guys know, I'm constantly posting pictures of Will on fb.  His laughs, his cries, his well being consumes me.  I posted this picture on Father's Day, or the day he was born :-)

I captioned it "My Hero".  It's true.  Well, "co-hero".  I've said before, and forever will, that I cannot imagine what my life would be had The Jeana not been introduced into my life.  I can't begin to imagine what the last seven months would have been like without Will.  The joy he brings us on a hourly basis is indescribable.  I love the way he laughs when I drop him on the bed.  I love the way he cries when I take him from his mama.  I love the way he goes nuts when he sees me walk in from work.  I love the way he leans to look around you if you stand in front of Mickey Mouse Club House.  I love when I sit him on my chest laying in bed and he rubs his feet in my goatee and laughs.  I love the way he expects me to read "Llama Llama, Red Pajama" to him every night while mama holds him.  I love my Will.  He's 7 months old today.  He's fantawesome. 

Peace,
Ben

I found relief... others haven't...

So, I know I try to inject a little humor in most of my post.  This one likely will not find any.  Some people find inspiration in being around friends and family.  While others find inspiration in the outdoors, or drugs, alcohol, and number of places.  I find that I get more out of the music I choose to listen to.  A couple of songs that have come my way in the last year have had me thinking quite a bit lately.  One you've probably at least heard of, if not heard, and the other probably not.  "Mean" by Taylor Swift and "Smoke Rise" by Clay Cook feat. Zac Brown Band.  Here are links to both on youtube.
Mean

Smoke Rise

K, if you don't want to hear them now, that's fine.  They're both about bullying.  Smoke Rise, slightly more encrypted than Mean, but it's my favorite of the two.  When I was in Jr. High and High school, until 11th grade anyway, I was verbally and, in one particular bully's case, physically attacked on a very regular basis.  I never said a word to anyone.  I let it happen.  Three bullies in 7th and 8th and four (one new, three the same) in 9th and 10th.  No reason other than I was smaller, weird, not really athletic though I was on the teams, and just different in general.   Now, I found an out.  Several of you know that I transferred to Maplewood from Overton after the end of my first semester in 11th grade. When I got to Maplewood everything changed.  My mom, at that point, had taught there for 20+ years and was a favorite among the students there.  This made me INSTANTLY popular.  I wasn't real big on the popularity but it also put an INSTANT stop to the bullying.  I had a year and a half of school I actually enjoyed.  Thanks Mom.  I mean that, whole heartily.  Thanks Mom.

Alrighty, I didn't want to just talk about me.  I'm seeing countless news stories about teenagers taking there own lives from being bullied about being different.  Be it because they're gay, a nerd, shy, in the band, just not a popular jock.  Whatever you or I believe about homosexuality, I believe NO ONE holds any right to judge another for any reason at all.  NO ONE holds that right.  Google this phrase "teen suicide bullying".  It's sad.  I'm of the belief bullies in these situations should be brought up on charges of involuntary manslaughter.  Emotional abuse is every bit, and in a lot of those cases you'll see on Google, even more damaging than physical.  I made a move and was blessed by my mother's kind heart and good reputation.  Others were not and continue to not be as lucky as I was.  It breaks my heart to read those stories and guess I just wanted to say something.  Maybe something changes, maybe nothing does.  All I know is nothing was happening by not saying anything.  I'm going to do my best to continue saying something.  Not just on here, but when I see it going on out there.  With kids, adults, anyone being bullied for being different.  There, you know a little bit more about me.  I'll try funny again soon.

Peace,
Ben

** I'd be remiss if I didn't mention a few more things.  I got to thinking about one of the last things I said.  I'm going to do my best say something and do something about anyone I see being bullied from here on out, adults and children alike.  Well, without mentioning names, I know a few that may read this and say, "He was bullied?!?!".  Well, yes, I was.  But I know where you're coming from.  I know I projected out onto numerous people what was projected onto me.  Let me publicly apologize to anonymous people that know exactly who they are.  I've never been a physical person.  However, I could, and probably still could, verbally beat the crap out of people.  All the way up until maybe 4 or 5 years ago.  It's a daily struggle but I try to be a generally nicer and happier person.  Sorry, I just kept thinking how I totally made myself sound like a victim. Which I was.  However, I was also a bully of sorts myself.  Didn't feel right not having this in here.  I think I'm really done now though :-)

Where there's a Will... A 2011 reflection...

I've been racking my brain on how to go about this one...  and believe I've decided on a top ten format.  So, without further ado...

The Top Ten Things I learned in This Year of Our Lord, 2011


10.  Anything you can do, I can do slower.

               Yup, I participated and completed The Music City Half Marathon.  In an astonishing 3:32:30.  In the process of training, I lost 40 lbs.  No worries, I found every last one of them.  I wasn't alone.  There was a team of us running in memory of our little buddy Thomas Harris McGreggor.  I'm looking forward for my next opportunity to participate in a Team Thomas event.  Onward ho!

9.  I failed my paramedic exam 2 times... I believe it was because The Jeana was Preggars McGee...

     That's right, I've gotten to the bottom of it and I believe that I wasn't right about ANYTHING from somewhere in October 2010 all the way until June 19, 2011.  That includes every question on the two attempts at my NREMT-P exams.  For the record, I really do look forward to being wrong for 9 straight months again, whenever that time may come ;-)

 8.  Even when my Colts and Vols stink on ice... I STILL LOVE ME SOME FOOTBALL!!!  That is all for this one.  'Nuff said.


7. Changing a diaper ain't all it's cracked up to be...  Oh, and the following contains images some may find grody to the max.  I know I do...

     That just happened...

6.  Tiger Blood.  Who knew?

5.  A good church home is a good thing.  Jeana and I couldn't be happier with our church, church family, and the friends we've made since we joined Harpeth Hills Church of Christ.

4.  God is great.  Just a few of the blessings we've received this year:  Will, Josh's current remission, new friends, no car payments, a roof, food, a Waffle House menu from 13 years ago, cows in our back yard, The Muppets, etc....

3.  Beer is good.  Some, if not most, of you know that I've been brewing beer on occasion over the last five or so years.  Well, this year I ramped it up a bit.  Upgraded my equipment and joined a Homebrew Club in The 'Boro.  It's the first hobby I've had in a long time that I truly enjoy and have a bit of talent for.  I'll be entering the first recipe i came up with myself (about 4 months ago) in a competition in January.  I really am excited about my future homebrewing endeavors. 

                   My first Mid-State Brew Crew meeting. I'm the fatty in the green shirt

           The first time I made my first recipe.  I call it Rampart 51 IPA

2.  People are crazy.  I don't know why but, this year, I've started taking pictures of people that deserve it.  I call them "fancy people"... here are just a few.

    Party in the back and PARTY IN THE BACK!!!

 The original "Fancy" person...

1993 called...

And coming in at #1 on the Top Ten Things I learned in This Year of Our Lord, 2011...

C'mon guys... really?  you don't know this one?

1.  Incredibly Blessed and Extremely Insignifcant

That's me.  Incredibly blessed with a beautiful, smart, compassionate, and VERY patient wife.  Incredibly blessed with, very bestest part of this year, my William Anderson Hodge...

Incredibly blessed with all kinds of family to take care of him.... and me...

 Extremely Insignificant... Yep, if you're a dad, you understand this.  And if you're a dad, you completely understand that it's perfectly fine with me.  When I married The Jeana, I became a little less significant in my own house.  As of June 19, 2011... well... my only purpose is doing my best to make sure the two most important people in my life have me for whatever they need me for.  So, yes, I'm the most insignificant person in the room.  Forever more.  And I'm way ok with that.  Happy New Year everyone.  God Bless you all.