So this morning I was reminded of how amazingly blessed Ben and I are and, and slapped in the face by how selfish our hearts can sometimes be. For weeks no Ben and other people have been sure baby Will would make his arrival any day now and each time we go to the doctor she says no not yet and let’s just wait and see. This has been frustrating for both of us in different ways. Ben has become impatient waiting to hold Will, I have become hugely uncomfortable as Will continues to grow but refuses to move down and is taking more and more space near my rib cage with his head down and feet up on my right side.
Yesterday when we stepped into the office we expected to be put on the schedule for induction Friday the 17th or Monday the 20th when my mom is scheduled to arrive. We were good with either of these. When we were told that they could not get on the schedule until Friday the 24th we were both disappointed but again for different reasons. Ben because he wants Will here sooner rather then later and is frustrated by the doctors un-willingness to schedule ahead. Myself for 3 reasons. 1) I have to go to the doctor Tuesday for an ultra sound because I am past due and we are scheduled to induce Friday which means Ben will miss the two days he is scheduled to work next week, anyone who knows me knows I stress money like no one else. 2) My mom will already be half way through her visit by that point and I want her to get to enjoy time with her grandson not just me. 3) I am terrified of a c-section and it seems like the longer we wait and the bigger he gets the more likely this is. I know c-section is a standard procedure but I don’t enjoy being cut on or having to be away from my baby in recovery or missing the first three weeks of school.
Here is where the feeling selfish and blessed comes in. This morning there was a post by Ben’s friend Hardy baby Clara’s daddy asking for votes for CHARUBS a CDH charity and a Blog post from Janna baby Thomas’ Mommy. Yes I have been sick and uncomfortable this whole pregnancy but so were Chrissie and Janna. And here is where I feel like a jerk yes I might have to be away from Will for a couple of hours if I have a C-section but that is nothing compared to what these two families and sooooo many others have been through.
This year has offered so many opportunities to have life not subtly put into perspective but shoved in your face put into perspective. In a little over a week I will no longer be pregnant and as far as we can tell Will is healthy I am hugely grateful to God for this miracle because I know how easily this could not be the case. Technology now is also so great that we will be saving cord blood in hopes to keep him healthy even if something genetic happens down the road like Hodgkin’s Lymphoma which some of you know my brother is battling right now.
I would like to thank Janna and John, and Robert and Chrissie for sharing their stories and helping to remind us all of what it means to be prayerful Christians, and apologize for all of the whining you may or may not have heard me doing during the past year.
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